Are you interested in the Baumrind parenting styles and trying to figure out which one works best for you and your child?
In this article, I'll share examples of the four different types of Baumrind parenting styles, and share the clues that will help you identify which type of parent you are. I’ve also included my YouTube video with funny & scary examples from TV and movies.
First up, a little history. The science behind parenting styles was first defined back in 1967 by Diana Baumrind, a development psychologist. In her landmark study, she developed the first three of four parenting styles we have today. In 1983, Macoby and Martin further studied parenting and proposed some additional changes. The four different types of parenting styles are:
So, first of all, let us talk about authoritarian parents. Authoritarian parents have very high expectations for their kids especially when it comes to discipline and obedience. The key point is that authoritarian parents expect total obedience and don’t explain why children should follow their example. Their reason is "because i said so," and often, authoritarian parents don’t even have to explain that at all.
Authoritarian parents generally don’t resort to using rewards to motivate their kids, as excellent behavior is expected. Instead, authoritarian parents more often resort to using punishment to control children’s behavior.
So, how do you know if you’re an authoritarian parent? Does this sound like you?
When i ask my child to do something, and she asks, "why?' i respond with, "Because I said so.”
Do you punish your child by holding expressions of affection? For example, you may temporarily stop talking to your child or decide to not tuck in your kid at night as punishment
Do you yell and shout when your child misbehaves?
If the answer to all three is yes, then you are an Authoritarian parent. If the answer to most of these questions is yes, then you’re probably leaning this way.
The Pro’s of Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting has its pros too. Expectations are very high for children of authoritarian parents, which is a good thing. A 2001 study by Professor Chao linked authoritarian parents with higher school achievement for their kids. Children of authoritarian parents can often be very well behaved too. Now, how do I know this? Well, I’m the son of an authoritarian parent and I like to think so far, with God's blessings, I've had a very successful life. My parent's upbringing of me helped me become the man I am today. So, authoritarian parenting can have its benefits.
The Cons of Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parenting can also backfire spectacularly. Studies have found that authoritarian parenting is linked to lower school grades. in 2017, Martin Pinkart analyzed 1400 published studies and found that harsh psychological control was the biggest predictor of worsening behavioral issues over a period of time. Kids from authoritarian families can be less sociable and less resourceful. they can suffer from emotional problems like low self-esteem and depression.
So now, let’s talk about the second style of parenting, which is authoritative parenting. i'm sure the first thing you're thinking is, "couldn't they have come up with a different name?" Yes, authoritative parenting sounds very similar to authoritarian parenting but there is a significant difference. Even though authoritative parents have high expectations for their kids, they are also highly responsive to their child's emotional needs. What does this mean?
- Authoritative Parents tend to set clear limits on boundaries and consistently enforce.
- They reason with their child instead of requiring total obedience.
- They encourage and allow their children to have a point of view
- They do discipline their children but often use rewards rather than punishments.
So, how do you know if you're an Authoritative Parent?
Well, do you agree with statements like this:
When I ask my child to explain something and he asks me, 'why?" I explain why.
- Do you respect your child's opinion and are you okay with your child expressing their opinions even if they’re different from yours?
- Instead of punishments, do you focus on disciplining your child using methods such as rewarding good behavior or taking away privileges?
- Do you encourage your child to talk about their feelings?
If the answer is yes, then you are an authoritative parent. However, what about the parent who doesn’t encourage their child to voice their own opinion? Well, you can still be authoritative as long as you explain your rules or opinion to your child.
The Pro’s of Authoritative Parenting
2. Its very very hard to implement authoritative parenting. Do you have the patience and perseverance to reason with a moody and angry child? Are you willing to make the mental and emotional investment using your reasoning for all your rules? Are you going to be consistent in how you discipline?
Now, this topic of being an authoritative parent isn't something i can fit into a short blog post and like I said, its a lot of work but if you're really interested in taking the first step in learning how to be an authoritative parent, then please sign up for my free checklist: Keys to be an Authoritative Parent. (The form to sign up is the bottom of this e-mail). This handy checklist will summarize 9 actions you can take to start to be an authoritative parent combined with my weekly seed2stem newsletter packed with tips and tricks and you'll finally have the tools you need to become better parents.
In my next blog post, I’m going to deep dive into permissive parenting and share 7 reasons why I think this type of parenting can be a disaster for kids. In the mean time, here’s how you can find out if you’re a Permissive parent. Do you often agree with statements like:
- I often use bribes with my child to get him to do something he doesn't want to do
- I’ll give into my child when he or she has a tantrum
- My child and i are equals and friends
- I want my child to make their own mistakes and won't impose my own rules.
If the answer is yes, then you're probably a permissive parent.
Uninvolved & Neglectful Parenting
If you're reading this, congratulations - you are probably not this type of parent. You only fall into this category, if you neither enforce rules with your child, and have a cold distant relationship with your child. In this scenario, for the most part, the child is on their own with their parent only taking care of the basic need required to survive and sometimes even, that basic requirement isn’t met.
Now that you know the four types of parenting styles, I’ll like to invite you to download my checklist on how to start to become an Authoritative Parent. As discussed, while research shows this parenting style is the most effective in raising successful children, it’s also the hardest to implement. So, download the checklist now and if you’re interested in joining a community of parents who are trying to be the best parents they can be, then request to join the seed2stem Facebook group and well do our best to help you.